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| A rude awakening |
| Monday, October 10, 2005 |
warning this post is explicit read with that in mind.
Over the past 5 yrs I have taken care of my mother who is slowly progressing with alzehimers. This is a woman who use to be a social butterfly and everyone came to her for advice, now she can not even tell you who she is.
Its sad and painful and my rude awakening happened on sunday morning when we had an appointment to take some pictures for her 75th birthday. When i went in her room to get her ready, she had speared feces on the wall and a hugh hunk was sitting on the night side talbe. She had done this before but it had been a while and besides that she had never done it on a day when we were going out. Now mind you I was already dressed and had my good clothes on and such, now i have to put on gloves and clean up the feces before i can even get her ready. It was a total mess and i was so angry. I try not to get angry with her because i know she doesnt know what she is doing, but I was angry at my sisters and brothers, at that moment it hit me. They had not as much as taken her home for a sunday dinner with them over the course of the 5 yrs that her alzehimers had been progressing, then i began to think back in time, how i had to leave home when i was 16 and do everything on my own. I had to buy myself an old peice of car to ride around in, while my sister and brother who lived at home had cars(nice new cars) bought for them by my mother. They always got the good part of her.
She simply doted on them all, and they all had everything almost given to them from her. She gave them money to start businesses and all that, while I had to struggle alone and everything i got i had to work hard for myself, she never gave me anything!. I was always last on her list of things to do.
Now here i was at age 48 standing in my kitchen crying because even now my brothers and sisters were still getting the good part of her. They hardly ever come to see her and tehy only come around when she is clean and pretty sitting in a chair and they can sit there and hold her hand and laugh and such like. Then they go home to their nice smelling clean homes and relaz in their beds at night. While i have to get up in the middle of the night and stop her from tearing up the room and stuff.
I have to clean up the feces and urine she plays in. i have to own a supply of disinfect and pinesole and such like to try and keep down the odor in my home that never quite goes away. I never get to go out with my husband or plan a vacation unless i can pay for a baby sitter for mother. They never offer to fix her a meal or take her for the night or any of that. And I was having a rude awakening.
That even now, I get the dirty end of the stick. All my life i had to fight and struggle to make it, and even now I still do, while they get the good times. some how it just doesnt seem fair. But i know I have a job to do so i will take care of her as long as I can and the best that i can. And they wonder why i dont want them telling me how to do things in MY own House. duh.
I just wish once they would come when the feces is on the table and she has it under her nails playing with it, and then they can see the real truth and not the little fairy tale land of mother they now live in, but the reality of my daily life is consumed with caring for her, having boxes and boxes of rubber gloves, disinfect and all that. all the time. And they have the nerve to tell me i need more patience,?? i think i am about as patient as i am gonna get.!! now I've finally said it!
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posted by sharonb @ 12:17 PM   |
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| 1 Comments: |
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got that off my chest.:))
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got that off my chest.:))